Shorter Stories
Last night I dragged myself away from warm Christmas-lit home out into the pouring rain to go to the writer's meeting. I didn't really want to go, after a day spent opening presents and eating lots and lots of cheese and cookies, but it was definitely good that I did - if I'd stayed, I probably would have kept eating. And eating and eating and eating.
So this was a writing exercise night. Billybob read us two personals ads and we all wrote about 'em. One was of a wheelchairbound tech-head ISO a hipster Asian punk girl, and the other was a missed connection between a guy on a DC-bound bus and a tall Asian chick in a green peacoat. I wrote about the second one, and so did almost everyone else. I didn't read mine out loud at the group, but liked what I wrote, so I'm posting it here.
Bus Incident
I watched you on the bus again today. I always sit near the back, on one of the center-facing seats. I get on two stops before you. You are maybe 25 or 27, and you wear khaki pants and a blue button down sirt or a blue and white striped button down shirt. Do you only have two shirts? Or do you have three blue shirts and two blue and white striped shirts, or some combination thereof? If you only have two shirts, you must do laundry at least twice a week; they always look clean.
These are the kinds of questions I would maybe ask you if you ever struck up a convo with me, and we became friends and had drinks and went over to each others' apartments to watch Dr. Who or play Left 4 Dead, my favorite zombie-killing video game. But we never talk, because you're alway staring at that Asian chick.
Usually you just stare at her. I would like to tell you that if I were that Asian chick and I happened to look over while you were staring, I might move to the other end of the bus. It is more than a tad creepy. Granted, you are reasonably attractive, with your floppy blonde hair and blue eyes. But still.
You seem to think you are doing a rom-com stare. That is to say, you think your gaze is soulful, and that you are seeing hidden qualities in her that she has never even seen in herself, and if she happens to meet your eyes, she will see that you don't just see her, you REALLY see her, and that the two ofyou will know in that isntant that despite some comic plot twists the madcap DC life will throw at you, you'll ultimately spend the rest of your lives together.
This is not actually what your stare conveys. It actually says, "I'm really lonely, and you're hot, so I think I'll stare at you for the duration of our ten-minute bus ride together."
Also, a note about Hot Asian Chick: she is stupid. I learned that today, and I wonder if you did too. Today, you offered her a seat beside you next to the window. She said, "Uuuum, whaaat? Oh, no, I'm getting off at the next stop. HAHAHAHAHA!"
Who laughs when someone offers them a seat? And who laughs like that? Stupid Hot Asian Chick, apparently.
I have been noticing you for the past six months. In six months of riding the same bus, you have never noticed me. This despite the fact that I am also Asian. Yup, I'm Korean. And I don't have a stupid laugh. But am apparently not a hot Asian chick, so I don't get to be stared at.
I did not realize how much this not being noticed bothered me until today. Maybe it was watching you make your move and actually sort of not really talk to Hot Asian Chick, and seeing how you smiled warmly at her stupid annoying laugh. I felt less of you after that, I must admit. I was bothered by the fact that all of your bus-staring energies have been focused on one woman, entirely neglecting the other staring possibilities that exist on our fine bus. If you don't want to notice me, fine, but what about blonde librarian chick? She's cute, and wears glasses and puts her hair up in a retro bun. Or what about aging but still sexy divorced lady? I don't know if she's actually divorced per se, but she doesn't wear a ring. Anyway, she could use some stare-love too.
All this is by way of explanation for why I stuck my foot out into the aisle as you were exiting the bus. I thought you would stumble a bit, but I had no idea the timing would be so bad, nor that you would lose your balance quite so spectacularly. You tripped, and then in trying to right yourself tripped over your own feet and fell again, and went sprawling just as the doors were opening. I believe you executed a perfect double somersault down the steps. Your gymnastics were almost beautiful and I'm truly, truly sorry you didn't stick the landing.
I really hope you recover OK. Of course the bus had to stop as you lay unconscious and bleeding on the pavement, and I wanted to stay and wait for the ambulance, but I had a meeting to get to so I boarded the next bus along with everyone else. But I am sorry. You have the right to stare at whomever you want to, and I should not trip you.
I will give you this note when you return, which I hope will be soon - I'd like to think the fall didn't damage your brain and therefore ability to work. I'll give you the note, and then I plan to start taking the subway.
So this was a writing exercise night. Billybob read us two personals ads and we all wrote about 'em. One was of a wheelchairbound tech-head ISO a hipster Asian punk girl, and the other was a missed connection between a guy on a DC-bound bus and a tall Asian chick in a green peacoat. I wrote about the second one, and so did almost everyone else. I didn't read mine out loud at the group, but liked what I wrote, so I'm posting it here.
Bus Incident
I watched you on the bus again today. I always sit near the back, on one of the center-facing seats. I get on two stops before you. You are maybe 25 or 27, and you wear khaki pants and a blue button down sirt or a blue and white striped button down shirt. Do you only have two shirts? Or do you have three blue shirts and two blue and white striped shirts, or some combination thereof? If you only have two shirts, you must do laundry at least twice a week; they always look clean.
These are the kinds of questions I would maybe ask you if you ever struck up a convo with me, and we became friends and had drinks and went over to each others' apartments to watch Dr. Who or play Left 4 Dead, my favorite zombie-killing video game. But we never talk, because you're alway staring at that Asian chick.
Usually you just stare at her. I would like to tell you that if I were that Asian chick and I happened to look over while you were staring, I might move to the other end of the bus. It is more than a tad creepy. Granted, you are reasonably attractive, with your floppy blonde hair and blue eyes. But still.
You seem to think you are doing a rom-com stare. That is to say, you think your gaze is soulful, and that you are seeing hidden qualities in her that she has never even seen in herself, and if she happens to meet your eyes, she will see that you don't just see her, you REALLY see her, and that the two ofyou will know in that isntant that despite some comic plot twists the madcap DC life will throw at you, you'll ultimately spend the rest of your lives together.
This is not actually what your stare conveys. It actually says, "I'm really lonely, and you're hot, so I think I'll stare at you for the duration of our ten-minute bus ride together."
Also, a note about Hot Asian Chick: she is stupid. I learned that today, and I wonder if you did too. Today, you offered her a seat beside you next to the window. She said, "Uuuum, whaaat? Oh, no, I'm getting off at the next stop. HAHAHAHAHA!"
Who laughs when someone offers them a seat? And who laughs like that? Stupid Hot Asian Chick, apparently.
I have been noticing you for the past six months. In six months of riding the same bus, you have never noticed me. This despite the fact that I am also Asian. Yup, I'm Korean. And I don't have a stupid laugh. But am apparently not a hot Asian chick, so I don't get to be stared at.
I did not realize how much this not being noticed bothered me until today. Maybe it was watching you make your move and actually sort of not really talk to Hot Asian Chick, and seeing how you smiled warmly at her stupid annoying laugh. I felt less of you after that, I must admit. I was bothered by the fact that all of your bus-staring energies have been focused on one woman, entirely neglecting the other staring possibilities that exist on our fine bus. If you don't want to notice me, fine, but what about blonde librarian chick? She's cute, and wears glasses and puts her hair up in a retro bun. Or what about aging but still sexy divorced lady? I don't know if she's actually divorced per se, but she doesn't wear a ring. Anyway, she could use some stare-love too.
All this is by way of explanation for why I stuck my foot out into the aisle as you were exiting the bus. I thought you would stumble a bit, but I had no idea the timing would be so bad, nor that you would lose your balance quite so spectacularly. You tripped, and then in trying to right yourself tripped over your own feet and fell again, and went sprawling just as the doors were opening. I believe you executed a perfect double somersault down the steps. Your gymnastics were almost beautiful and I'm truly, truly sorry you didn't stick the landing.
I really hope you recover OK. Of course the bus had to stop as you lay unconscious and bleeding on the pavement, and I wanted to stay and wait for the ambulance, but I had a meeting to get to so I boarded the next bus along with everyone else. But I am sorry. You have the right to stare at whomever you want to, and I should not trip you.
I will give you this note when you return, which I hope will be soon - I'd like to think the fall didn't damage your brain and therefore ability to work. I'll give you the note, and then I plan to start taking the subway.
posted by walkinhomefromthethriftstore at 7:15 AM
3 Comments:
This? Is freaking AWESOME. I love how each paragraph brings a new surprise. You should have read it in your group!
Thanks! I didn't want to read it cuz almost everyone else had picked the same ad to write about, so it just got kind of boring, and it got to the point where you could have written the War and Peace version of this personals ad and everyone still would have been like, meh, yawn. But I'm glad you liked it! I like it too.
I agree--it is awesome! I bet yours was the only one that took this third-party turn. Everyone else was probably either the dude or the Asian chick with the coat, right? Good jorrrb!
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