Gimme money! It's for cancer.
Last night I skipped practice to go to a Relay For Life kickoff meeting in the fine town of Garfield, NJ. Cut Throat is leading a team of GSR roller girls and made it to the meeting despite having spent the weekend serving pancakes to drunkards and partying with rock stars in Philly.
The meeting was in a rec center or sumpn' - there was a disco ball. Also the tables were decorated half with Relay for Life stuff and half with leftover Valentine's Day stuff, which was awesome. The room was about half-full when we got there, and they were blasting the special Cancer Mix, which goes as follows:
Lean On Me
Wind Beneath My Wings
Whatever by Melissa Etheridge (sorry lesbians, her songs all sound the same to me)
etc.
Cut Throat, as team capn', actually had to do stuff, like get the info packet from the scary 15 person committee table at the end of the hall, and fill out the registration form and stuff. Her friend Sam (I think? I'll just call her Slam for blogging purposes) and I just got to chill and partake of the very fine buffet that was on offer. Kind of stale pizza, a couple of those crazy large party subs, and best of all... some guy who works for Entenmann's is involved, so there had to be like 50 boxes of Entenmann's stuff. Strudel and doughnuts and cookies and whatnot... So awesome. Marry me, Entenmann's guy!
The presentation left something to be desired. It went like this:
"Hello, I'm blah blah blah blah from your local blah blah blah, and I think it's great that we're joining together to blah blah blah."
clap clap clap clap.
"Thanks, blah blah! Now, let's all welcome blah blah blah from the new blah bank!"
The best tho' was the councilman, who somehow managed to talk about Iraq. Um, ok. He was so the best speaker ever. Cut Throat wrote down some choice quotes and I hope she posts them on this because they were priceless and I wonder how he got elected. Maybe no one showed up to vote and he was the default choice? I don't know.
My other favorite thing was the ghoulish skeleton woman who came over to distribute newsletters. She had so much makeup on it was like she had extra face hanging out all over. Also her nose could have cut glass. Also also, her hair was huuuuuuge! Slam allowed as how she thought she was hot, but she was so not.
After a guy rocking a blue cardigan introduced Cut Throat's dad and mispronounced his name, Cut Throat's dad spoke, and it was much better than council guy's speech, although that would not have been difficult. Mr. Cut Throat spoke about how cancer treatments are improving all the time thanks to fundraising, and I must agree. The difference between the treatment of my sister's cancer 15 years ago and my mom's just a few years ago was quite staggering.
Then Mr. Cut Throat said he intends to be a 15 year survivor, and the lady who spoke after him said, "Dont' say you WILL be a surviver, you ARE a survivor" and I kind of wanted to smack her upside the head with an Entenmann's box, because I found it condescending. I'd be all, 'STFU, biotch, it's my cancer and I'll say what I want!' But then, that kind of snotty attitude is why they probably won't invite me to speak at a fundraiser if I ever get cancer. Mr. Cut Throat was much more gracious.
Then they tried to play an inspirational Relay For Life movie but it got stuck halfway through. Time to invest in a new DVD, American Cancer Society! And then after that they tried to get us to join committees but we refused. I mean, I'm assuming. I didn't see anyone jump up and put their names down. I did see many people jump up and grab more strudel.
So, in conclusion, give generously to Relay For Life, and try to meet people who have access to free pastry. Word.
The meeting was in a rec center or sumpn' - there was a disco ball. Also the tables were decorated half with Relay for Life stuff and half with leftover Valentine's Day stuff, which was awesome. The room was about half-full when we got there, and they were blasting the special Cancer Mix, which goes as follows:
Lean On Me
Wind Beneath My Wings
Whatever by Melissa Etheridge (sorry lesbians, her songs all sound the same to me)
etc.
Cut Throat, as team capn', actually had to do stuff, like get the info packet from the scary 15 person committee table at the end of the hall, and fill out the registration form and stuff. Her friend Sam (I think? I'll just call her Slam for blogging purposes) and I just got to chill and partake of the very fine buffet that was on offer. Kind of stale pizza, a couple of those crazy large party subs, and best of all... some guy who works for Entenmann's is involved, so there had to be like 50 boxes of Entenmann's stuff. Strudel and doughnuts and cookies and whatnot... So awesome. Marry me, Entenmann's guy!
The presentation left something to be desired. It went like this:
"Hello, I'm blah blah blah blah from your local blah blah blah, and I think it's great that we're joining together to blah blah blah."
clap clap clap clap.
"Thanks, blah blah! Now, let's all welcome blah blah blah from the new blah bank!"
The best tho' was the councilman, who somehow managed to talk about Iraq. Um, ok. He was so the best speaker ever. Cut Throat wrote down some choice quotes and I hope she posts them on this because they were priceless and I wonder how he got elected. Maybe no one showed up to vote and he was the default choice? I don't know.
My other favorite thing was the ghoulish skeleton woman who came over to distribute newsletters. She had so much makeup on it was like she had extra face hanging out all over. Also her nose could have cut glass. Also also, her hair was huuuuuuge! Slam allowed as how she thought she was hot, but she was so not.
After a guy rocking a blue cardigan introduced Cut Throat's dad and mispronounced his name, Cut Throat's dad spoke, and it was much better than council guy's speech, although that would not have been difficult. Mr. Cut Throat spoke about how cancer treatments are improving all the time thanks to fundraising, and I must agree. The difference between the treatment of my sister's cancer 15 years ago and my mom's just a few years ago was quite staggering.
Then Mr. Cut Throat said he intends to be a 15 year survivor, and the lady who spoke after him said, "Dont' say you WILL be a surviver, you ARE a survivor" and I kind of wanted to smack her upside the head with an Entenmann's box, because I found it condescending. I'd be all, 'STFU, biotch, it's my cancer and I'll say what I want!' But then, that kind of snotty attitude is why they probably won't invite me to speak at a fundraiser if I ever get cancer. Mr. Cut Throat was much more gracious.
Then they tried to play an inspirational Relay For Life movie but it got stuck halfway through. Time to invest in a new DVD, American Cancer Society! And then after that they tried to get us to join committees but we refused. I mean, I'm assuming. I didn't see anyone jump up and put their names down. I did see many people jump up and grab more strudel.
So, in conclusion, give generously to Relay For Life, and try to meet people who have access to free pastry. Word.
posted by walkinhomefromthethriftstore at 9:32 AM
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