I don't know how to tell boys I don't like, LIKE them

Since moving to the fine garden state of New Jersey, embroidery capital of the world and home to the Northern Nightmares, (and it's approaching six months now, crazy!) I have gone on five online blind dates. I was not attracted to four out of five of these gentlemen. Actually, I probably eventually would not have been into the one I wasn't not attracted to but I had just moved and I really just wanted to hang out with anyone, and he kindly did me the courtesy of not wanting to hang out again. And good for him I say. I bear no grudges. He rejected me in a very civilized way: I called him to see if he wanted to go see a movie, he left me a voicemail saying he was too busy, and neither of us called the other again. Perfect.

Boy the second I actually met through the strictly platonic section of CL. I wasn't really feeling even friendship chemistry with this guy, but we had coffee, went to see a movie, and had dinner (three separate hanging out events). After dinner I kind of got the feeling he wanted to be all upons, so I stopped returning his calls. I'm not proud of this. This is the kind of thing I think makes me a bad person.

Now, boy the third took me out for a very nice lunch and then wanted to go see Clerks II, and I emailed him and said I'd be cool just being friends, and he never contacted me again. I was disappointed. I thought I would not just not return his calls like with boy the second, I would actually tell him what was up, but I guess rejection is rejection.

Fourth boy was also from strictly platonic. We walked around Montclair for like, four hours. I like walking as much as the next person but when I'm getting blisters it's too much walking, for reals. And then he said he thought our hanging-out time was short, and then when I didn't email him back fast enough he got snippy, so I stopped emailing him and he sent me a fairly drama-laden "well I guess I'll never know what I did wrong but you don't like me anymore" email. I'm not sorry about that one because, grow up already.

Fifth boy was quite recent. He was nice and even cute but, meh. He likes Incubus and Third Eye Blind. And baseball. Not that there's anything wrong with that. So do I hit him with the friends thing? Or say I don't want to hang out? Or not return calls? I'd hang out with him again, but I don't want to kiss him. Or if I did want to kiss him it'd only be because I haven't kissed anyone in seriously like a year. And that'd be bad.

I don't think I should online date anymore. Sure, it's a great avenue for socially awkward book nerds like me but since I keep meeting guys who like LIKE me but who I only like like, it's giving me too high an opinion of myself. I'm really starting to think I'm all that but actually I'm just too much of a wuss to talk to people I might actually like, LIKE-like. And also I'm still using third grade terminology to talk about relationships. Oh wait, that actually rules.