The Chronic

It's been about three weeks since my back decided to pinch my sciatic nerve, causing me to become house-bound and to have to visit multiple medical establishments begging for relief. Three weeks. That's like almost a whole month. 

I've never had a chronic condition before other than eczema. Eczema is gross and sometimes annoying, but most of the time I forget about it. Nerve pinchy back pain on the other hand is a completely different story. 

Much of this time has been about adjusting my expectations. In the second week after the flare-up, I was hobbling to my car and driving myself to physical therapy. It was horribly painful to do but I convinced myself I was ok to do it, and in the process I made it worse. Now I don't harbor illusions about mobility and have accepted my awesome roommate's help with rides, and have become well acquainted with Montclair's cab drivers. As a result of such taking it easy-ness, today I feel better, so I'm of course tempted to go to tonight's GSR bout.

Sadly, even I know this would be a terrible mistake resulting in much pain. So, I'm staying in tonight. I'm sad about it though. It's our first home bout in forever, and the first one where our new Hub City Hell Razors will be skating, and well, it am a social event, and being housebound, I'm fairly lacking in those. I miss my bitches. 

Then there are expectations about time; i.e. how long will it take before this is better? I have to abandon any expectations about time since it'll take as long as it takes. Part of me is always screaming 'but this has been going on for three weeks, THREE WEEKS, and it's STILL not better???' but I have to quiet that part. It's frustrating though because this is the time that I'm supposed to be spending temping and looking for a new job, but since I can't walk or sit for any significant period of time I can't work or show up for an interview. So I have to adjust expectations of what I'm 'supposed' to be doing now. 

Aaaand finally... I have to ask for help. Asking for help makes me cry. It's not necessarily the asking for help (although that is hard) but it's the nature of the help I'm asking for. I need help with cleaning my room and taking trash out, and buying groceries and stuff like that. I guess I just have a hard time admitting how badly off I am right now. I know people are generally happy to help, but it's still hard to ask. 

Monday I have an MRI, and tomorrow I'm going to schedule an acupuncture appointment. Exciiiting and neeeew...