Aieeee! 171

I'm starting the new year off right, with an extra 5 pounds. YES.

So apparently, if you eat everything you want and don't work out much, you'll gain weight.

I signed up for in-person Weight Watchers. I'm going to my first meetin' tonight.

My sister said it's extra pounds of awesome. Aw.

I've had naught but nightmares

...for the past few nights. Well, not nightmares exactly, but anxiety dreams for sure. The kind of dreams I wake up from going, oh good, I'm awake now and live in the real world and I actually have NOT signed up to donate a kidney and accidentally signed up to donate two kidneys and now have to straighten the matter out with the head of the hospital who's already lined up surgeries for two kidney-less orphans.

One of my anxiety dreams is an extended variation on the "i haven't studied for the test" dream. It's rooted in fact: I took biology my second year in college, stopped going after two classes, intending to withdraw, forgot to withdraw, and got an F. I had to take bio again over the summer at community college and I didn't get the grade in to my school on time and almost didn't graduate at all.

Anyway, so I'm used to having the dream where I realize it's the last day of class and I forgot to drop bio. I guess I've gotten a little TOO used to having that dream. NOW I have a dream where I've gone and enrolled in THREE WHOLE NEW CLASSES at some TOTALLY NEW DREAM UNIVERSITY, and somehow I seem to manage dream-studying for two of the classes, but TOTALLY FORGET about the third one. WTF??? Why must my brain elaborate an entirely new school that I've never been to for me to go to? Why not a dream office? Why not any of the schools I've already been to? Why do I have to rustle through my dream backpack for the dream map so I can find my way around the new dream school? That. Is. Weak.

There are some dream hotties who I have class with, which is cool. It's just I can't dream-flirt with them because they all look so young to me. Apparently my subconscious feels it's necessary for me to repeat undergrad, not go on to grad school, so I'm running to class with a bunch of lil' 18 year olds.

Day 3 and all's more or less well

Can't blog long, 'internet' connection is something called 'dial up.' Am somewhat constipated from intense meaty protein intake. Have now ingested deer in chili form. Did not like it, but said I did. Have read one book, taken one walk, seen 8 live dear, had one trip into town to go skating at chicano skatery.
Wish much happiness to everyone.
Me
p.s. stars at night, still big and bright where I am, but it rained for two days.

Stuff I will eat

-bagel from the deli

-brownie from Pantera's

-broccoli cheese soup from Pantera's

-snickers, crackle, twix from vending machine

-many diet cokes

-baked zitti from various mafia and non-mafia-run takeout places in my town

-Dunkin Donuts from the town that never heard of Krispy Kreme

-Expensive salad-bar salad

Stuff in my cabinet I won't ever eat

-2 cans of water-packed tuna

-whole wheat sphagetti

-can of diced "italian-style" tomatoes

-quick-cooking oatmeal, purchased because I wasn't paying attention and thought it was the slow-cooking kind

-can of water-packed chicken

Stuff in my fridge that I won't ever eat

-tube of sun-dried tomato polenta.

-home-made squash soup in large tupperware.

-artichoke hearts.

-benecol light

-no sugar added apple sauce

dumb holiday stuff and chick lit subgenre

me: so, there's a gay-ass holiday pot luck on Thursday at my work
mystery:
YAY
you've been dreading- uh, mentioning it
me: and I just found out today they're doing a gay-ass white elephant gift exchange
mystery: what's a white elephant?
besides OBVIOUSLY the most SUPERIOR elephant
me: everyone gets one random gift and then you go around stealing other people's gifts
it's gay and takes forever
and is only mildy tolerable when you do it with people you actually like
mystery: huh?
me: and sucks monkey balls if it' swith people you can't stand
mystery: you trade them?
this kinda sounds familiar
mmmm, monkey balls
wait i mean ew
me: yeah like, I pick a present, adn it's a sombrero,
and then you pick a present, and it's lint,
so you steal my sombrero and I"m stuck with lint.
and then the next persno picks vodka,
so the person after that steals the vodka,
and somehow at the end you end up with a cute puppy calendar that you trhow away as soon as you're sure no one's looking,
mystery: oh, so it's one by one, and you can keep what you get
me: and somehow the only Amish person in the office ends up with the vodka,
mystery: or 'steal'
LOL
me: and everyone's confused and pissed off
and bored
mystery: YAY!
sounds like an office party!
i got an xmas correction email
we will not be doing it at 10am
it will be at NOON
and lunch will be provided.
me: that's still a lame time
mystery:
you're telling me
there's no good time for this crap
mystery: yeah
i stayed up til 4
playing video games
now i'm tired
me: awwww
and hee
I was late for work this morning because I was reading the end of The Devil Wears Prada
which I bought at Union Station to read on the train
mystery: yay!
how was it?
me: it was pretty good for chick lit!
different from the movie.
mystery: yeah?
me: The movie manufactured drama that wasn't there
altho' Meryl Streep still ruled that part
I dunno, it's part of a sub-genre of chick lit,
"upper-middle class educated jewish chicks frown upon very rich bitchy WASPS"
mystery: LOL
me: well, you kno
like The Nanny Diaries
mystery: UMCEJeChiFUVeRiBWASPS
for short
me: right right
mystery: i can't read...
me: you know, where the heroine/protagonist is all,
"I graduated from Princeton and being a nanny until I publish this book is so hard because wasps are so soulless, wah wah wah."
mystery: aaaahhhhh
me: "NYC apartments are so small, boooo"
mystery: i am better than the people who are rich before me
me: "Until I marry a lawyer/doctor I have to be poooor"
right

Mouse

My roommate put down the sticky-goo kind of mouse traps a few months ago. Apparently we get mice when it gets cold. Once I accidentally stepped in one of the traps and it was sooooo gross.
Anyways last night I came home and there was a teeny little mouse stuck to the trap. His little glassy black eyes were open but he was definitely dead. So, I guess we do have mice. Awwww. He was really cute, and really dead. I thought about leaving him there, but then I thought about hearing my rommate scream when she found it, and I figured it'd probably happen while I was asleep and would wake me up, and would probably also freak me out, so I grabbed a paper towel and threw him away.
So cute and so dead!

Ok, time to get sizerious.

So last night at practice, I jammed for the first time. I haven't jammed before because for all the gym time I've logged and aerobics/dance classes/running I've done over the past few years, I'm still no athlete. But last night half the league didn't show up, so we had the bare minimum for scrimmaging. This meant that no one could sit out any scrimmages, and we did a lot of them. The girls who usually jam couldn't jam every time, so finally I said I'd jam.
I did ok on the very first go-round; I used my arms too much but I got through with a lot of help from the pack. And then I pretty much got pathetic. I couldn't even finish the jam. My wind is LAME.
So now I have a new additional goal - to for reals and for serious work on my stamina or endurance or sprinting or wind or whatever you want to call it. Time for speed work and sprinting practice...
In other news, I also pretty much suck at blocking. I really hope I can get good at something besides skating around in circles by April....

Another reason why I'm really cool

Some mornings when I'm feelin' cute and saucy, my internal soundtrack plays Milkshake by Kelis and I strut to it. "Mah milkshake brings all the boys to the yard, and they're like, it's better than yours..."

Other times, I march to Trouble from The Music Man.

Bandaid

So, there's totally a used bandaid on the floor by the printer in my office. I see it every time I walk out. It's been there since Monday. I find it completely gross, but I'm not throwing it away. Apparently no one else is either.

Death to the spooge!

This weekend I recovered from a cold and waged war on the spooge of fat around my middle. It's really getting arrogant. It's all, "I make your jeans not fit, and I jiggle a lot all the time, bleaaaargh."
So I took a belly dancing class at the Y (it was gay) yesterday, and a Tai Box class today (it was hard.)
This morning I was 163, so even with not working out this week, I did ok.

I am really really cool

I'm really cool. Here's why.

I'm smart, but I'm not obnoxious about it. I read books, and blogs, and newspapers, and I listen to NPR, but I'm not all, "hey, listen to me, I'm a smarty mcsmartpants, listen to me babble about string theory."

I'm interested in the minutiae of your life. Or, even if I'm not that interested, I'll fake it and through faking I'll usually find that I actually become interested. So you spent your Sunday night organizing your dvd's by color and subject rather than by alphabet, because you're a more visual than literary? INteresting. No really.

I show up for stuff. Wanna go see a movie? Sure, I'm down. Going shopping for belt buckles? Yeah, why not. Going dancing? Grab a beer? Bite to eat? Intramural volleyball? Ice skating? YES. I'm IN. And with a minimum of fuss. Just tell me where and what time and how much money to bring with.

I'll spot you for coffee. Seriously, it's no trouble.

I am physically attractive. Yeah, it matters. I work out, and I take time with my hair, and I wear makeup on days that I want to be extra attractive, and I'm generally cute to look at. I look good in a fuzzy hat and scarf. I have awesome legs, and the breastasess are also tiiiiiight.

I don't have to be the center of attention.

I eat with my mouth closed.

I'm awesome in the sack.

I will probably be able to make you laugh, unless you're dumb. If you are dumb, I won't make you feel dumb. At least not on purpose.

If I have a problem, I'll bitch about it, but not forever. Within a reasonable amount of time I will seek to correct said problem.

If you have a problem, I'll listen to you bitch about it. I'll suggest things that might help. If I don't know what the hell I'm talking about, I'll just try to listen sympathetically. If you've been bitching about it for a really long time, I'll nicely tell you to get off your ass and do something about it already.

I try new stuff, even if I'm not sure I'll be good at it right away. I'll even try new stuff that I'm reasonably sure I won't be good at for a long time.

I'm really good at consuming pop culture.