So hungeee

I'm rilly hungry. I partly blame the colder weather, which always gives me tummy rumbles, and partly I blame falling off the wagon so very hard this past weekend. I basically ate whatever i wanted to, including:
martinis, and a rum and coke (not a rum and diet coke, horrors!)
two slices of pizza, one pepperoni, one sausage
a pint of cookies'n'cream ice cream
hershey bar with almonds
various purloined chips


So, now I'm back on the wagon, and my body's all, 'wtf???'. I brought a baked potato for lunch and I'ma go get a salad, but salad and potato time is so far away. So very very far away.

I saw the creepiest Murphy Brown ever this morning

I'm having trouble waking up lately. One of the ways I ease myself into consciousness, when just the alarm ain't enough, is to turn on the TV. Most TV that's on at 5am is pretty sucky, so the suckiness of the shows usually goads me into getting up and getting away from TV.

So this morning the plan was to get up early to work out, so the alarm went off and I wasn't having it, and resorted to turning on Murphy Brown on Nick at Nite, because apparently 5am is still 'nite', and it was this episode where Murphy and the balding guy go to some small town for a special interest story, and their plane loses three of their engines so they think they're going to die. There's a lot of unfunny back and forth about being in first class and the stewardess throwing pillows around and the pilot running around in fear... I tend to think most of Murphy Brown is unfunny so this was all as usual. But then, right as Murphy and the guy are leaning over in their seats to prepare for death, the scene slows down like a VCR tape losing traction, with the voices getting deeper and lines across the screen and everything, and then, superimposed over this, there's a flash-back scene. So, Murphy's getting all deep-creepy voiced and superslowly bending down while a ghostly little girl appears in the background. It was like The Ring. I was all, what the hell? Did Nick at Nite mess up the tape and also start running another show? Is my TV haunted?

But, it was just a flashback. THAT's how they faded into the flashback. And after Murphy's flashback the dude had one and the transition was the same. CREEPY. I turned it off because I was creeped out. So I have no idea if Murphy and her bud survived. I'm assuming they didn't and it was the show ender. Altho', she didn't have her controversial baby yet in this episode, so maybe it wasn't.

Delaware can BITE ME

I hate Delaware. Specifically, I hate sitting in traffic before the Delaware toll booth, I hate paying 8 dollars for the privilege of driving through Delware, and I hate merging from five lanes into two for no reason after the toll booth.

I like both bridges tho'. The bridges are ok.

Seriously tho', I left NoVa at around 3pm yesterday. I did stop at Chesapeake House for dinner (a weird Roy Rogers chicken sandwich that had mozarella and ham and some weird honey spooge on it), so that was like, 30 minutes. But I got home at 9:30. That's just excessive and largely the fault of Delaware.

I also have some beef with 495 North. Dude, come on, at 3pm on a Sunday, there should NOT BE THAT MUCH TRAFFIC.

I'd like to give a shout-out to 88.5 XPN, University of Pennsylvania public radio. I so enjoyed listening to numbers 21-13 of the top 885 artists of all time. I was ok with the show cutting into Mountain Stage and the Folk Show, and I was truly sorry when I got out of Philly radio range.

I'd also like to give a shout-out to myself for setting my alarm for 5:45.... PM. I am a genius. Luckily I woke at 6:45 am on my own.

Yo! New wheels and bearings! Yes, they are dope.

I am still kind of giggly about it all, actually. Yes, yesterday, finally, I got my new wheels and bearings.

Just so's you know, here's what I've been skating on:

http://www.amazon.com/RollerDerby-Cobra-Roller-Skates/dp/B0000C08MX

I got them cuz they looked cool, had a cool name, and were 40 bucks at Sports Authority. But, see how thin the wheel rims are? Yeah, that pretty much means they suck. So, I'd be at practice, sweating, skating my ass off, and still couldn't get up any decent speed. Luckily I'm relatively smart and it only took having three or four skaters point out to me that my wheels are slow to make me want to do sumpn' about it.

So, Belle N. Somebashin' got new wheels at a skate shop in the citay. I followed suit and went here:

http://www.divisioneast.com/de2006/home.html

Which is right in my town, so it's tres convenient. Can words express how very cool this place is? Let me try: it's so, so, so, so, so cool. But then again, I am probably just relishing the fact that I got to TALK TO THE SKATER BOYS! That's so huge. I have always loved them from afar. Since elementary school in fact, but I never dared approach. But now I'm a roller girl and I needed super grippy outdoor wheels and Bones Swiss bearings lubricated with speed cream, so, word.

AND, lucky me, I was the first roller girl to darken their door, so I got a roller girl discount, AND AND, they totally want to sponsor us! Which means there are FUTURE reasons to talk to skater boys!

The fine gentlemen who sold me the wheels put them on my skates for me. They had many questions about roller derby. "Yo, you do any tricks? You seen that movie, Roll Bounce? YO, when you get new boots, you should like, trick them out and shit. Like put your own personal stamp on them. This one dude in roll bounce had SPINNERS on his wheels yo. I was like, WHOA. Yo, AnTOnio... put these bearings in these wheels, man... So like, you flip girls over the rails and shit? Are the girls all tatted up and shit? Maybe we should sponsor some roller chicks..."

I, of course, being a total dork, committed a faux pas. They said we were like the Suicide Girls, and I made some comment about them being softcore porn, cuz that's the only Suicide Girls I know, but it turns out they actually started as skater girls. Soooo.... yeah. My bad, Suicide Girls. But, way to sell out into softcore porn...

The new wheels are definitely sooooo much better than the old ones. Sadly I didn't really get a chance to get used to them as I was relegated to the beginner's group by the capn's. I understand why but I think I'm better than beginners now, and next week I'm totally practicing with the pack. Because why? Because that is how I roll.

Clip'n'Save!

http://www.aboutconstipation.org/bristol.html

I don't know how to tell boys I don't like, LIKE them

Since moving to the fine garden state of New Jersey, embroidery capital of the world and home to the Northern Nightmares, (and it's approaching six months now, crazy!) I have gone on five online blind dates. I was not attracted to four out of five of these gentlemen. Actually, I probably eventually would not have been into the one I wasn't not attracted to but I had just moved and I really just wanted to hang out with anyone, and he kindly did me the courtesy of not wanting to hang out again. And good for him I say. I bear no grudges. He rejected me in a very civilized way: I called him to see if he wanted to go see a movie, he left me a voicemail saying he was too busy, and neither of us called the other again. Perfect.

Boy the second I actually met through the strictly platonic section of CL. I wasn't really feeling even friendship chemistry with this guy, but we had coffee, went to see a movie, and had dinner (three separate hanging out events). After dinner I kind of got the feeling he wanted to be all upons, so I stopped returning his calls. I'm not proud of this. This is the kind of thing I think makes me a bad person.

Now, boy the third took me out for a very nice lunch and then wanted to go see Clerks II, and I emailed him and said I'd be cool just being friends, and he never contacted me again. I was disappointed. I thought I would not just not return his calls like with boy the second, I would actually tell him what was up, but I guess rejection is rejection.

Fourth boy was also from strictly platonic. We walked around Montclair for like, four hours. I like walking as much as the next person but when I'm getting blisters it's too much walking, for reals. And then he said he thought our hanging-out time was short, and then when I didn't email him back fast enough he got snippy, so I stopped emailing him and he sent me a fairly drama-laden "well I guess I'll never know what I did wrong but you don't like me anymore" email. I'm not sorry about that one because, grow up already.

Fifth boy was quite recent. He was nice and even cute but, meh. He likes Incubus and Third Eye Blind. And baseball. Not that there's anything wrong with that. So do I hit him with the friends thing? Or say I don't want to hang out? Or not return calls? I'd hang out with him again, but I don't want to kiss him. Or if I did want to kiss him it'd only be because I haven't kissed anyone in seriously like a year. And that'd be bad.

I don't think I should online date anymore. Sure, it's a great avenue for socially awkward book nerds like me but since I keep meeting guys who like LIKE me but who I only like like, it's giving me too high an opinion of myself. I'm really starting to think I'm all that but actually I'm just too much of a wuss to talk to people I might actually like, LIKE-like. And also I'm still using third grade terminology to talk about relationships. Oh wait, that actually rules.

The Pinchloaf Nuptuals, or How I Spent My Autumn Vacation

This past weekend, October 7th to be exact, my dear friend the future Mrs. Pinchloaf wed Mr. Pinchloaf, making them officially Mr. and Mrs. Pinchloaf. I went back down to vaaaaah-jinia for the celebrations, and here are the things I want to remember 4evR about it. They are not in any particular order, like say, chronological or alphabetical.

Mrs. Pinchloaf's brilliant Sixteen Candles impression after we took her out and got her good'n'wasted. I think Mind By Matel has a picture of this.

The bachelorette outting: awesome call by White Trash Chef on the margarita place, and the tapas place my sister recommended was good too.

Gettin' my nails and hairs did with Mind by Matel, Mrs. Pinchloaf, and She Spills The Beans. It was girly-tastic!

The super-awesome pita I got at the Perfect Pita after we got our hairs did. Mrs. Pinchloaf was right, that place rules!

Seeing all the groomsmaids, I mean groomsmen, all dressed up in their tuxes. And seeing the ushers in their tuxes. Aw, boys looks look so cute all dressed up.

The tent all lit up and prettified. Walking past all the people who didn't get to be a bridesmaid, ha ha suckers! I mean, seeing all our friends.

The vows. Aw, man, you guys! I was crying before they even started, and so were they, and so was everyone. Just beautiful.

The toasts. Mr. Pinchloaf's brother, Hottest Brain Injured Guy I Know, gave a really funny one about how the Pinchloafs love collecting junk. I think their junk is pretty cool but what do I know. And Mind By Matel gave a good one about how now she has to find a groom as cool as Mr. P.

Hottest Brain Injured Guy licking his fingers lasciviously at me. I had to walk away. Sorry, H.B.I.G, but a) I had a cold and b) your mom was right there!!! Right there! Otherwise, I probably would have been lascivious back, cuz you're hot. Or maybe I wouldn't have, cuz you're also kind of like a friend-in-law now. Or something. You're still hot tho'.

Sliding down the slide with Coolest Kid I Know and his mom. Yay, the slide! So glad Coolest Kid's Mom made me try it.

COOKIES. Oh wow. So good.

Exploding Pigeon

Every day I pull into the parking garage at work and notice the abundance of pigeon feathers scattered about. I park as far away from the door as possible, so that I have to walk a long ways to get inside the building, and there are pigeon feathers ALL OVER the ground. Either a bunch of pigeons met untimely ends, or one pigeon exploded and his remains got all blown about, or a pigeon went crazy and tore all his feathers off.

In other news, I have a crazy cravin' for eggplant. Some kind of eggplant butternut squash punkin onion ragout would pretty much rock my shit right about now. I always get cravings for stuff I can't cook when I have a cold. It'd be laughable enough to try to attempt such a dish when I'm perfectly healthy, but right about now I barely have the energy to open a packet of pop tarts. But yet when I'm snotty and coughing and wheezy, that's when I'm all, "Hmm, some salmon mousse on toast points would so hit the spot right now!"

I'll probably end up eating oatmeal for dinner. Yeah.

I suck at skating

This weekend we had our pretest in Jersey City for roller derby. All three of the NJ Dirty Dames teams came out, and our co-captain and the Jersey City team's captain were judges. The coolest part tho' is that the captain and I think co-captain of the Brooklyn Bombshells came out to help judge as well.

We got split into small groups for the judging, and Ann Phetamean from the Bombshells was our judge. The testing took approximately forever because we went down each individual skill, so we were testing from 1 to about 3:15. We would have gone on for longer but it started to rain. I suck at pretty much almost everything, and I fell like four times. I wasn't the only one who fell but I was the only one who really sucked. I think I'm going to take lessons. The for reals test is only in a month and I definitely don't feel prepared. On the plus side, if I stick with this I will end up with thighs of STEEL.